Myth: Children are Not Very Capable

For different reasons we often do not think our kids are very capable and as a result we end up doing too many things for them. The more you do for your child the more you weaken your child. If we view our kids as not capable how will they be capable teens and adults? They will end up looking to others for guidance and not within, which is where the true answer lies.

New Idea:

Kids are Capable. Be Willing to Ask for Their Advice

Walton Story by Susie

Christopher is the youngest of my sons. When he was in fourth grade he loved rollerblading. One day I asked him to teach me how to rollerblade. He was very patient in teaching me and we had a blast. Later on, he asked his older brother Luke if he wanted to learn. Luke did, so outside they went. When they came back in the house you could see how happy Christopher was feeling having taught his mom and older brother how to rollerblade.

Teaching Point:

Kids love to be helpful if given the chance at a young age. Give children age-appropriate opportunities to help around the house. At early ages, children want to help with the dusting, the cooking, the table setting, and the cleaning. This is the easiest and best time to teach children these skills. It is helpful to the whole family and will be helpful to them when they move out and begin life on their own. At first, it will take a little bit longer to show them how to dry the pan, how to fold the hand towel, how to put the napkins around the table, or how to dust the coffee table, but the dividends are well worth the investment.

TIPS:

1. Have your children teach you something new.

2. Ask their advice on a problem.

3. Be willing to let your kids help you. No need to play

'supermom' or 'superdad'

Indigo Village

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Indigo Village Educational Foundation Event

Come help support families and educational programing on our community at the Indigo Village Educational Foundation fundraising event called "It Takes a Village to Create Change".  This event takes place November 6, 2010 at the Joan Kroc Institute of Peace and Justice at the University of San Diego (5998 Alcala Park) from 8:30am - 4:30pm.


Want to know more about this Organization?  The Organization is called the Indigo Village Educational Foundation and they are based in Encinitas, CA. Their president, Susie Walton, has been a local parenting expert in the San Diego area for over 20 years. She happens to also be the Mother of Los Angeles Laker, Luke Walton, who also grew up in SD.



This event "It Takes a Village to Create Change" started 3 years ago with the infamous saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." This is Susie's favorite quote as she has built Indigo Village and the Foundation in order to support families and educational programing on our community. The Foundation holds fundraisers throughout the year in order to raise funds to go towards scholarships in programs like our "Redirecting Children's Behavior" Parenting Program and our "Remembrance Course" Personal Development Program.  All scholarship recipients have to go through an application process and are targeted towards communities where access and funding of these types of programs are limited. We believe that change starts with us.  Their mantra is, "Work with children and impact one child at a time. Work with parents and impact generations."


Simon Sinek will be their keynote speaker for this event.  He has a pretty large presence on the East Coast. He is a leadership expert, Author of "Start With Why" and is a columnist for various publications.  He will be talking about his message of "How great leaders inspire action" and how it ties into the sustainability of a movement, such as the Foundation's cause.



Here are just a few things to look forward to when you purchase your ticket.

• 45 minute Keynote Presentation by leadership expert and Author of "Start With Why", Simon Sinek! Along with a 45 minute Question and Answer Forum! Simon has been featured on: CNN, TED.com and Success Television!
• Access to over 17 workshop break-out sessions by our hand-picked professional presenters
• Continental Breakfast and full Lunch
• Access to over 15 Exhibitors and their services and products
• Photography Exhibit on site, featuring "Stirring the Fire" a global movement to empower Women and Girls.
• Gift bags with offers and opportunities from local businesses and organizations
• A chance to network with professionals and organizations committed to creating positive change in our community.
• Much, much more!

Indigo Village
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If you Give Kids an Inch, They will Take a Mile

Many parents I've worked with have a strong belief attached to this one. They believe if they do not make kids follow their commands, the kids will take advantage. As a result, the parents become even stricter hoping that the child will know who is boss, which often results in more power struggles and problems.

New Idea: Kids Have Great Solutions to Problems

You will be amazed at the solutions your children come up with. Take the time to ask for their help when you are in the middle of a power struggle or feel stuck on how to deal with a certain issue. The following stories provide insightful and easy ways to empower your children and make your job as a parent much more enjoyable! I cannot tell you how many times my kids have come to my rescue when I felt I did not have an answer or idea for solving a problem.

Walton Story by Susie

My teenage boys had a habit of leaving their dirty clothes and towels on the floor expecting me to pick them up and wash them. I told them that I was willing to do laundry but not willing to walk around the house and pick up their dirty laundry and wash it too. I asked them how we could make this work for all of us. They came up with the solution that I would continue to do the laundry as long as they put it in the laundry basket or in the laundry room. This worked for me.

Story: Fair is Fair

We learned never to assume that we knew what seemed FAIR to our children. The following is an example.

One lovely autumn afternoon near Halloween, my husband and our young son and daughter, ventured out to do some errands. Their last stop became the source of much excitement. They had gleefully purchased a huge, furry, battery-operated spider with which to terrorize their poor-unsuspecting mother. This premeditated joy came to a screeching halt however, during the car ride home. BOTH of our children wanted to HOLD the coveted spider. This seemingly small detail mushroomed into an enormous conflict, complete with a yelling, screaming tug-o-war while Tom was driving. Struggling to keep his eyes on the road and his sanity intact, my husband suddenly remembered that RCB mantra: "Okay Guy's, let's do a 'Win-Win' with that spider."

Now as a rational adult you may think, as Tom did, that this suggestion would likely lead to a “take-turns-holding- the-spider” approach. Not so, instead our children calmly negotiated what was for them, the perfect solution. Our daughter Lili held the spider the entire way home, while our  gadget-loving son Kyle held the real prize. Now all parties were content and peaceful (including my husband), each secure in the knowledge that they had made the best deal. Everyone except me of course, because wretched spider has startled me every Halloween since.

Teaching Point:

Because kids receive up to a thousand compliant statements a day, they eventually stop listening to what we are telling them to do. Whenever possible, remember to ask them what needs to be done or how a problem can be solved, rather then telling them what to do.

Indigo Village
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Children Aren’t Old Enough to Make Good Decisions?

Oftentimes, we as parents do not feel that kids are capable of making good decisions. We end up telling them what to do, how to do it, and when to do it! Essentially we are raising robots who do not learn to think for themselves, as we are not encouraging them to develop their critical thinking skills. How can we hope that they will make good decisions when they are older if we do not allow them to make both good and not so good ones when they are young.

New Idea: Give them Choices

So often we get stuck in a power struggle with our children. i can tell you right now that most kids (just like many adults) do not like to be told what to do. Here are some stories about giving choices to minimize power struggles.

Teaching Point:
There are different kinds of choices:

Concrete choices:
Would you like to set the table or clear the table?

Playful choices:
Would you like to hop to bed or have a piggy-back ride to bed?

Choice with incentives:
Would you like to finish your show and have one
book or go to bed now and have three books?

Choice with consequences, best with young kids;
Your choice is to hold on to the shopping cart or be
put back into the shopping cart.

When offering any choice add the phrase,
“It is your decision,” it helps children learn that life is based on the decisions they make.

Story: The Dentist Every Parent Wished For
I have been seeing this young patient for about one and a half years. He is almost seven years old. The first few times I was barely able to look in his mouth, even to do a simple exam. He was very squirmy and was constantly moving his arms and head. He would get very nervous when I would look in his mouth, closing it in a protective and nervous manner.

I had just attended an RCB class with Susie. This young boy was my first patient the next morning. From the first moment I saw him I started practicing my RCB techniques. We talked about why he thought it was important to go to the dentist and the different things a dentist does.
I thanked him for being on time to the appointment and asked him what would make it a nice appointment for him. Once he sat we talked about the different things that he could do to help during his visit. I asked him if he wanted to have a quick visit or a long visit. He said a quick visit. I told him I felt he made a good choice. We talked about the different things he could help me with to make it a quick visit. We decided that keeping his hands to his side and his head still were good ways to help. I gave him the choice to either keep his hands to the side, on his lap, or on the arm rests. He recommended different ways to position his head. He made the choice to keep his head very still and with his chin slightly elevated.

After each decision, he was very happy with himself and became more and more excited to start implementing the decisions that he had decided upon. During the course of the appointment, he kept asking me if he was being a good helper. Each time, i told him that he made a good decision and was sticking to his promises. The patient was very happy and seemed to be encouraging himself.

In our office, we have traditionally given prizes to children after the appointment. This is in disagreement with the RCB notion of not giving praise or rewards, however, it is something that seems to be an expectation in a dental office. After the appointment, the young boy asked me if he could get a prize. I asked him if he felt he deserved one. Very enthusiastically, he said yes. I asked him why and he told me because he was a good helper. I asked him what he did to help and he said that he followed directions and kept his hands and head where he had decided they would be at the beginning of our appointment. I told the young boy that if he felt he wanted or really needed a prize that he was welcome to take one. The difference between this visit and past visits was remarkable. The appointment went very smoothly with very few interruptions. The boy showed a great sense of accomplishment and increased self-confidence. He left with a big smile on his face instead of one of frustration and low- morale.

TIPS:
1. Have your kids start making decisions on negotiable events.

2. Give them two choices, and then say, “You make the decision.” Be sure to stick with it even if they want to change the choice.



Indigo Village
www.villageconference.com
www.facebook.com/Indigovillage
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