Many parents I've worked with have a strong belief attached to this one. They believe if they do not make kids follow their commands, the kids will take advantage. As a result, the parents become even stricter hoping that the child will know who is boss, which often results in more power struggles and problems.
New Idea: Kids Have Great Solutions to Problems
You will be amazed at the solutions your children come up with. Take the time to ask for their help when you are in the middle of a power struggle or feel stuck on how to deal with a certain issue. The following stories provide insightful and easy ways to empower your children and make your job as a parent much more enjoyable! I cannot tell you how many times my kids have come to my rescue when I felt I did not have an answer or idea for solving a problem.
Walton Story by Susie
My teenage boys had a habit of leaving their dirty clothes and towels on the floor expecting me to pick them up and wash them. I told them that I was willing to do laundry but not willing to walk around the house and pick up their dirty laundry and wash it too. I asked them how we could make this work for all of us. They came up with the solution that I would continue to do the laundry as long as they put it in the laundry basket or in the laundry room. This worked for me.
Story: Fair is Fair
We learned never to assume that we knew what seemed FAIR to our children. The following is an example.
One lovely autumn afternoon near Halloween, my husband and our young son and daughter, ventured out to do some errands. Their last stop became the source of much excitement. They had gleefully purchased a huge, furry, battery-operated spider with which to terrorize their poor-unsuspecting mother. This premeditated joy came to a screeching halt however, during the car ride home. BOTH of our children wanted to HOLD the coveted spider. This seemingly small detail mushroomed into an enormous conflict, complete with a yelling, screaming tug-o-war while Tom was driving. Struggling to keep his eyes on the road and his sanity intact, my husband suddenly remembered that RCB mantra: "Okay Guy's, let's do a 'Win-Win' with that spider."
Now as a rational adult you may think, as Tom did, that this suggestion would likely lead to a “take-turns-holding- the-spider” approach. Not so, instead our children calmly negotiated what was for them, the perfect solution. Our daughter Lili held the spider the entire way home, while our gadget-loving son Kyle held the real prize. Now all parties were content and peaceful (including my husband), each secure in the knowledge that they had made the best deal. Everyone except me of course, because wretched spider has startled me every Halloween since.
Teaching Point:
Because kids receive up to a thousand compliant statements a day, they eventually stop listening to what we are telling them to do. Whenever possible, remember to ask them what needs to be done or how a problem can be solved, rather then telling them what to do.
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