This belief will put a lot of pressure on you as the parent because you will view the child's behavior as a reflection of you. As a result you will end up either threatening or punishing your child for their behavior, which may remove the symptom, but not deal with the real source of the behavior.
New Idea:
Children Misbehave Because Their Needs are Not Being Met
We are the only species in the world that need more than food, water and shelter to survive. As a human being we need to feel a sense of importance, a sense of belonging, to feel love, and that we are valued. I feel parents of a long time ago had an easier job with this principle. Most kids didn't go to school past 14 because they were in needed in the family business, whatever that may have been. If they were in school it was a one-room school with older kids helping out younger kids. During the harvest time schools would close because the kids were needed out in the fields.
What about today? Where do our kids get that sense of importance and belonging? One of the reasons I feel gangs are so prevalent today is because kids want to belong. You see it when your six or seven-year-old first joins a team. The most important thing to them is the uniform! We love to belong.
Teaching Point:
The more discouraged kids become the more they will act out. It does not mean you should let them get away with their behavior. You will be more present and respectful handling it if you understand that the misbehavior is your child communicating that one of his or her basic needs are not being fulfilled. These will show up as four different goals of behavior. These four goals are: attention, power, revenge, and inadequacy.
Goal of Attention:
Children with the goal of attention have a mistaken belief that the more time the parent spends with them, the more the parent loves them. With the goal of attention, you as the parent or adult will feel annoyed or irritated. This child can be both very charming and drive you crazy. A key word to describe these types of children is engaging as they equate love with keeping their parent busy with them. Read the rest of the story in Susie Walton's book "Key to personal freedom" How Myths Affect our Family Lives
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