Creating Families through Adoption: Handling the "Abandonment" Word

This featured workshop will be one of many at "It Takes a Village to Create Change" conference 

Description:

Parents are asked “Why?” by their children about almost everything. Parents who adopt may have an additional “why” asked of them. “Why am I not with her?” or “Why did she give me up?” or “Why was I abandoned?” Along with these questions come intense, complex and ambiguous emotions for everyone in the family. In this powerful workshop – for parents and for adoption professionals – you gain clarity and insights to assist you in handling emotional issues, in talking about adoption with your child, and in handling the "why" so that you may move beyond the “abandonment” word.

Biographical Sketch – Maggie Macaulay, MS Ed, the owner of Whole Hearted Parenting in Miramar, Florida, has assisted parents in creating cooperative, peaceful homes for over a decade. She teaches the Redirecting Children’s BehaviorTM Course, trains course instructors and leads RCB South Florida, a team of certified parent educators serving Broward, Palm Beach and Miami-Dade Counties. Maggie is a certified coach and a featured parenting expert on NBC 6’s South Florida Today as well as for the online sites Parental Wisdom and New Baby. Maggie created and facilitates Whole Hearted Adoption, a full-day workshop that explores myths and beliefs about parenthood, adoption and family building. Maggie is a certified facilitator of the Freedom to Be course through Your Infinite Life Training and Coaching Company, and she is the recipient of the 2008 American Business Women's Association Spirit of Excellence Parent Educator of the Year Award. You may reach Maggie at 954-483-8021 or through www.WholeHeartedParenting.com and 

maggie_macaulay@msn.com.

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You can Discipline and Stay Close with Your Kids and Make a Great Family Team

Myth One: Discipline Creates Distance This myth is old, but true if you were raised in an autocratic household. In this type of household, the parent was the boss and if you did not obey you were punished. By the time you were a teen many of us were not that connected to our parents and we certainly did not share information with them about what was going on in our life. Do you know that the majority of teens want to go to their parents when they have a problem or concern? Mot of thme do not fear being yelled at, lectured, grounded, or knowing their parent will not sleep for the next three months if they do, so it is not worth going to them!


New Idea: You can Discipline and Stay Close with Your Kids and Make a Great Family Team
So, how do we discipline and stay connected? In that moment when you want to yell or you are so frustrated that you feel like spanking or putting kid's in 'time out', pause a moment. In that moment, take some deep breaths, or walk away for a few seconds to self-calm. Then ask yourself the question, "Do I want to create distance or closeness right now?"

Teaching Point:
We distance ourselves from our children when we yell, threaten, shame or blame them. An example is when we yell with an angry or frustrated tone, “How many times have I told you not to spill your milk!” That may take care of the problem, but they will feel disconnected from you.

There are other healthier ways of disciplining than yelling or spanking, which is what we often do when we are frustrated. The pause is important here because it allows us to respond to the situation instead of just reacting. In that pause some options are: take a deep breath, count to 10, take a sip of water, or maybe just get eye level with your child. Do what works best for you.

In that moment, think to yourself, “I can discipline and stay connected.” Instead of saying, “How many times have I told you not to spill your milk,” you might say, “Lets figure out a different way for you to be able to pour your milk and keep it from spilling.” Or, “Okay, so you spilled the milk, what needs to be done to get it cleaned up?”

Story: Chocolate Floor
My three-year old son and I were in the kitchen and he dropped a half-full container of Chocolate Nesquik mix on the kitchen floor. As taught in my Redirecting Children's Beahavior (RCB) class by Susie, instead of yelling at my child and creating distance, I paused a moment and took a deep breath. I then looked at him and said, “What do you need to do with that?” He proceeded to get the scooper and scooped up all of the chocolate mix off the floor. Then I handed him a spray bottle of water and he sprayed it all with water and scrubbed it. It was pretty cool.

TIPS:
1. Seek to understand before being understood, (be curious)
2. Remember to pause so you can respond instead of react
3. When pausing: breathe,count to ten, or step away for a moment.
4. Ask kids questions rather then telling them what to do.
5. Use mistakes as an opportunity to teach
6. Have fun
7. Breathe


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Create Change by Investing in Yourself!

Just for a moment imagine being a part of a shared experience, along with many others in your community who care about change…being part of a grassroots movement that could affect the world in a decisive and positive way.

I recently heard about a neat-sounding conference called “It Takes a Village to Create Change.” This annual event is being held Saturday, November 6, 2010 at the University of San Diego; the goal of the organization is to create positive change in individuals and the community by transforming self, family, personal relationships, community and the world. An ambitious goal, but change must start somewhere, after all. I just love the purpose put forth by this group at Indigo Village who even created a non-profit foundation in order to assist those who cannot afford the many excellent self-development and parenting programs they provide.

The keynote speaker is someone everyone is talking about (at least in my circles). After watching his TED speech, I immediately bought Simon Sinek’s newly released book, “Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action.” This is an amazingly articulate man with an interesting quantification of a very simple idea – a powerful paradigm shift that could help many businesses and individuals become more successful, influential, and inspirational. Click here to learn more and see Simon’s TED speech – and prepare to get psyched to see him in person!

In addition to the amazing keynote speaker, the breakout sessions should further prove to be insightful and educational. Indigo Village has put together an outstanding lineup: several doctors are speaking, a clinical nutritionist, psychologists, parenting experts, and life coaches, among others. Topics range from exploring how thinking affects success, life and money, dealing with life’s natural cycle of pain and healing, raising happy children, how to build a green community, raising spirited kids, exploring your relationship with food, helping tweens deal with hormones, cyber-bullying of youths, couples communication, and “flat earth” medicine.

I also want to say that I have personally taken many of the programs offered by Indigo Village (Redirecting Children’s Behavior, The Remembrance Course, Freedom to Be), and they are all excellent, even a catalyst for healing, and worth checking into www.indigovillage.com.
Tickets are discounted if you buy them ahead of time, and include continental breakfast and lunch. Check out www.villageconference.com for information, to buy tickets, or to make a donation. Let the change begin with yourself!

Indigo Village
www.villageconference.com
www.facebook.com/Indigovillage
twitter.com/IndigoVillage